~Lately, the idea of giving my mind a rest has not been an option. I’m on think over-load, digging deep and examining many things. Wondering why, when, how, who, and where? After having a very interesting talk with a good friend of mine today, I am once again reevaluating life, it’s meaning, the people in it, purpose, passions, expectations, disillusionment, anticipations, love, lust, friendships, finances, etc. There truly is a forecast for a tornado in my brain. I’m blessed to have the thing and people in my life I do, but I’m by nature inquisitive and want to find answers and solutions. I always try to remedy things that aren’t always able of meant to be rectified. 

After giving my brain a run for it’s money today, I saw a friend of mine in the hospital today. These ideas and questions only became more vivid in my mind. This person once full of energy and life, lay lifeless before my eyes. All he could do was blink his eyes and wave hello. This just goes to show how we take life for granted, at least for me. We forget how lucky we are just to do normal, daily routines. We forget how valuable friendships/family are until hardships slap us in the face. In mere seconds, our lives can change forever, and if they do, what do we have to show for it? We complain about the most trivial things sometimes and for what? It’s totally healthy to vent, but some people really go to town and bitch about stupid shit, material shit that truly is worthless at the end of the day. They only valuable things in our lives are our impact we have on others and the impact others have on us. 

Picture Source: lifehack.org

I’ve been contemplating this idea for a while. The whole idea and philosophy behind expiration dates. Most things, relationships, and people have one. Styrofoam is probably one of those things that doesn’t have one. In that respect styrofoam, i can say I’m jealous of your lifespan and consistency. Plants, animals, and human are born, grow and eventually pass on. This concept is one that is inevitable. I’m not even going to get into life after death, just the here and now. In the same way, relationships are born. They are tender in the beginning and vulnerable to judgement and rejection. One of the hardest things as humans we have to battle are relationships, be it with a family member, significant other, or a friend. You can only hope these relationships don’t sour, but hen they do, what happens next? This is always the hardest part, the art of letting go. After investing so much time into something, it always runs the risk of being destroyed, against your will. So unlike food we easily discard once it has become moldy and smelly, sometimes we try and repair something that is broken in our lives. And sometimes, the hardest part of realizing is that you are not in fact broken, but it’s the other person. What then? Try to be there for them and assist them in their “healing” process. But what if they are set in their ways and don’t want to heal? The choose misery over overcoming obstacles because it’s the “easy way out”. This is the part where common sense should kick in and tell your ass to run for the hills, but sometimes your emotions are so invested, it’s almost impossible. So ya stick aorund till’ you’re drained dry and one day realize, wtf was and am I doing? A leopard never changes it’s spots, unless it takes the time to get a zebra stripes tattoo.

sooo cute! this reminds me of summer and having someone amazing to enjoy the good things in life…good music and nature…all while laying on a picnic blanket… yup, that’s an awesome day right there…

(Source: stephsmiles)

After 

Source: Katie Welsh

After a super stressful week, I am happy to report I am finally on vacation, on my way to D.C.  I took my Bonine and I’m pumped for this 4 1/2 ride.  I’ve never though street lights looks so beautiful, one after the other, lined up…Each represent how much further I am driving away from home. The break was long past overdue. I found out something really interesting this week. Although after something terrible was said afterward, I’m questioning it’s validity. I’m just not sure what to believe anymore. It’s hard enough letting people in and when they continue to hurt you, what exactly are you left to think, especially when you have done nothing to deserve it? Why is it that those who “care” about you seem to try and hurt you the most? If only that much energy was put into showing someone how much you care about them… Although it is unfortunate we cannot choose who to care and not care about, we can get tired of being hurt constantly. A person can

Today started off pretty well, besides the fact I’m exhausted. I received flowers and candy from several students, which was so sweet. So all good must come to an end of course. I then find out someone is talking smack. Really? I don’t have the time nor the patience for this crap. Time and again, I’m convinced this person just doesn’t have any consideration for other people’s feelings, besides their own. It’s exhausting, tiring, and plain immature. How much more can a person take? How many chances can a person give? I refuse to start this year on the wrong foot and give people chances who don’t deserve it.

There is nothing I want more at this moment than to travel. If I could live the “Eat, Pray, Love” dream , I totally would. Travel for a year and do some soul-searching. Instead, lack of finances continues to be an anchor on my life and it’s plans. I just need to get away, so bad. I will be soon for a few days. This should hold me over until I can make a big trip. I’m blessed to even be given this opportunity. I’m looking forward to having an amazing, worry-free time  in D.C. I’m so over NJ at the moment between the weather, all the work, and other things, some time away would definitely do me some good. 

xs0dax

Oh Good Ol’ Madison, how I missed you so! : ) What a great Saturday! Everything worked out well. Not only did I finish all my errands, including doing my nails, but Claudia and I had a little road trip to Madison. Always good times in the car…haha We hit up Mainstreet to go see Selena’s book signing, where I bought my copy : ) Can’t wait to read it! I’m totally inspired to do the same one day. I’ve always said I wanted to write and publish a book and Selena is proof that it can definitely happen, if you work your ass off. I hope to follow in your footsteps one day doll! 

After rounding up the troops, we made our way to Applebees. Man, was that a party. So much happened, if only the walls had eyes and could speak.  A brief recap: Sean’s onesy, Jose telling Claudia he didn’t care (I died…lmao), the wet drink menu, the hot mess waitress, Ruth wearing her coat/sunglasses at the table, Danielle’s salad, Mike “the waiter”, the random dancing waiter, and the list goes on… I even had time to write “ass hat” on the back of Ruth’s car so she can have the pleasure of people reading it wherever she drives.

I definitely need to go back soon! It’s been wayyy to long! What a night! Good times with great people.

A girl can hope, a girl can dream…

Double-standards piss me off. Truly, I’m not sure who came up with them, but they can ef off. Women always get the short end of the stick (literally and figuratively). My point is as women, we should represent ourselves , not let society dictate who we are based on their assumptions. I will not be a reflection of anyone except myself.

*Special Olympics Bowling Event  I volunteered for. My team kicked serious ass! : )*

You lose you’re voice? lol Yeah that’s me today. Out till’ 4am and now I sound like a woman who has been smoking for 30 years. Good times. 

Anyways, so yesterday was the best day I’ve had all year. Despite a “friend” of mine dicking me over the last minute, I had a f*cking amazing day!

(And just for the record, I’m glad this “friend” sees nothing wrong in what they did. They never do. Apparently, this person thinks they walk on water. Only goes to show they are as selfish and dickheaded as people always claimed they were. And this person wonders why they don’t have many friends. It boggles my mind. A friend who allegedly cares about you doesn’t screw you over when you’re passionate about something nor do they throw it in your face that they have been “loyal” to you in the past because God even knows if that is true. Grow the f*ck up.)

But anyways, on a happier note, I did have an amazing Saturday! Everything just went right, it was quite out of the ordinary…lol Volunteered @ the Special Olympics which was amazing! Those kids are so cute!! Omg, they made my heart melt!! *sigh* First of all, they totally bowl better than I do… They put me to shame…haha  The cutest thing was when one boy made a mistake, he freaked out and he was about to cry! Just seeing him upset me almost cry! And before he could get more upset, Claudia and I cheered him up and he was happy again! That felt so amazing! We were like, “Next time, you’ll do great!!”And he said, Next time, I’ll do better!” : ) Made me so happy! I can’t explain how amazing that felt! And everytime he got a strike, he would jump up and down and be so excited!! I loved every moment! It went by so fast! and one boy his coahc told me never went above a 10 during practice, but with me he had scores of 35, 36, 40! I felt so good when she told me that! So amazing! After that good karma was definitely in play because the day just got better and better. Bergenline was priceless with the Beauty Supply store incident and Claudia going buck on the sales lady!! lmao Next, Verizon, normally I hate going in there, but this last trip was definitely worth it… Let’s just say, it will not be long before I go in there again…haha I need to “inquire” further information about a few things…  ; ) 

Hoboken was fun! Of course, with me and the gang, something always goes down and it did, all good things though. ; ) Good times were definitely had, although I don’t like to kiss and tell. I have class. lol Danced the night away and for some odd reason, I kept meeting dudes with the same name… So weird…haha This one dude asked me if I worked out…LMAO I wish, i said I need to…Jeez! Speaking of which, I def need to get on that… But yes, got home at 4amish and it felt good! Needed that! Next week should be good! Can’t wait to continue the new year on a positive note. Out with the old and trashy, in with the new and classy! : )

xs0dax

There is something about being awake when other people are asleep that is so appealing. *sigh* It’s so relaxing. 

Anyways, today is MLK day. Ever since I was a little girl, he has been one of my number one role models. I was so intrigued by him since I was little. So much so, when I was in 4th grade I read a 500 page book about him. I’ve wondered this since I was a teenager though. What happened to people giving a shit? Back then, people were so passionate about what they believe in. It’s because of them, we have the rights and respect we do today. This generation forgets that our rights and respect were something earned and fought for, and not given. People rallied, fought, preached, and even lost their lives just taking a stand. Nowadays people look the other direction. We live in a world that is consumed with only thinking for themselves. We fought so much in the past for what we have to today and so many people just settle and think this is as good as it gets because I’m not going to fight, it’s not worth it. Personally, I think that is one of the reasons everything is falling apart. People use to question everything. This generation just doesn’t care, which to me is such a scary thought. They don’t understand what they have, nor do they care. They forget 60 years ago, there were separate water fountains and bathrooms for people of color. Imagine that? How was that even justifiable? We all pee and poop the same, for real. 

I just think so many people don’t understand or care about what today actually means and it’s a shame. I wish I had the power to light a fire under everyone’s ass and send them on their way to fight for something, anything. We need to stop taking things lying down. Truly, we have no right to complain about certain things if we do nothing to stop them. And there is nothing people love to do more than whine and bitch. It’ easier than fighting face to face. and that in itself is the problem: cowardice.